I would like to say that this isn't something that is comfortable for me to share; no one likes to feel vulnerable. That being said, I write this in the hopes that it could help someone else through things that I am trying to figure out.
Mask: (n) anything that disguises or conceals; disguise
A mask is something that we wear in order to disguise or hide our identity. In other words, we wear masks to either hide who or what we are, or to make it seem like we are something completely else. Something that I have learned over the years through my experiences with myself and with people close to me is that whether we know it or not, we are all constantly wearing masks in our daily lives. All of us, at one level or another put up a front in order to appear a certain way to others.
We want to appear to have it all together; to appear happy, spiritual, and on top of our game. You see, we've bought into this lie that we have to constantly look perfect. We have bought into this lie that we have to constantly compare ourselves to others. We have to be smart enough, happy enough, good enough.
However, how do we reconcile that with the fact that God is trying to shape us into the image of His Son? How can we address the problem areas in our lives if we are constantly pretending that they don't exist? God wants to shape us, and yet we continue to wear these masks.
The truth is, I'm terrified to take off my mask. I'm terrified because I know what lies beneath. I don't want other people to see what's inside, because I know that under my mask lies a scared little boy who is horrified of never being good enough. A little boy who is worried that after I have given all that I have to offer, I will still come up short. I won't be good enough, I won't be spiritual enough, I wont be smart enough.
You see, I've bought into this lie that I have to be this certain person, and I have to reach this certain level of "good enough." I keep comparing myself to others, and at the end of the day, I hate what I see in the mirror because all I see is junk. I see the short comings, I see the failures, and I see character flaws. I see that scared little boy who never feels like he will be good enough.
But that's just it: God doesn't create junk. God isn't sitting there thinking, "Wow Dave, I really wish you would be more like (insert name)." No, God created me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He loves me. He doesn't just love the exterior me who pretends to have it all together, but He loves all of me; even the scared, broken little boy who I try so desperately to hide.
He has been there the whole time, telling me, "You're good enough." He says that in spite of my faults, and in spite of my short comings. That beings said, He loves me too much to let me stay this way.
You see, He created us with a vision in mind, and He is constantly working to shape us into His image. He wants to remove the parts of our lives that aren't from Him (our anger, our lust, our doubts, etc.), and in order to do that we have to confront those areas. That includes taking off our personal masks, not so much for others, but so we can come to terms with the real us.
Unfortunately, this is a process that I am currently working through, so I don't some kind of inspiring conclusion to wrap this al up and say how wonderful of an experience it all is. I don't have a step-by-step process in how to feel good enough, or on how to become more Christ-like. All I know is that at the end of the day, I will always come up short in my comparisons to those around me. If I keep comparing myself to others, I will never be good enough. However, God doesn't create junk. He loves me just the way I am, but He loves me too much to let me stay in this state. He will keep shaping me until I look like Him.
