Masks

Preface:

I would like to say that this isn't something that is comfortable for me to share; no one likes to feel vulnerable. That being said, I write this in the hopes that it could help someone else through things that I am trying to figure out. 

Mask: (n) anything that disguises or conceals; disguise

A mask is something that we wear in order to disguise or hide our identity. In other words, we wear masks to either hide who or what we are, or to make it seem like we are something completely else. Something that I have learned over the years through my experiences with myself and with people close to me is that whether we know it or not, we are all constantly wearing masks in our daily lives. All of us, at one level or another put up a front in order to appear a certain way to others.

We want to appear to have it all together; to appear happy, spiritual, and on top of our game. You see, we've bought into this lie that we have to constantly look perfect. We have bought into this lie that we have to constantly compare ourselves to others. We have to be smart enough, happy enough, good enough. 

However, how do we reconcile that with the fact that God is trying to shape us into the image of His Son? How can we address the problem areas in our lives if we are constantly pretending that they don't exist? God wants to shape us, and yet we continue to wear these masks. 

The truth is, I'm terrified to take off my mask. I'm terrified because I know what lies beneath. I don't want other people to see what's inside, because I know that under my mask lies a scared little boy who is horrified of never being good enough. A little boy who is worried that after I have given all that I have to offer, I will still come up short. I won't be good enough, I won't be spiritual enough, I wont be smart enough. 

You see, I've bought into this lie that I have to be this certain person, and I have to reach this certain level of "good enough." I keep comparing myself to others, and at the end of the day, I hate what I see in the mirror because all I see is junk. I see the short comings, I see the failures, and I see character flaws. I see that scared little boy who never feels like he will be good enough. 

But that's just it: God doesn't create junk. God isn't sitting there thinking, "Wow Dave, I really wish you would be more like (insert name)." No, God created me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He loves me. He doesn't just love the exterior me who pretends to have it all together, but He loves all of me; even the scared, broken little boy who I try so desperately to hide. 

He has been there the whole time, telling me, "You're good enough." He says that in spite of my faults, and in spite of my short comings. That beings said, He loves me too much to let me stay this way. 

You see, He created us with a vision in mind, and He is constantly working to shape us into His image. He wants to remove the parts of our lives that aren't from Him (our anger, our lust, our doubts, etc.), and in order to do that we have to confront those areas. That includes taking off our personal masks, not so much for others, but so we can come to terms with the real us. 

Unfortunately, this is a process that I am currently working through, so I don't some kind of inspiring conclusion to wrap this al up and say how wonderful of an experience it all is. I don't have a step-by-step process in how to feel good enough, or on how to become more Christ-like. All I know is that at the end of the day, I will always come up short in my comparisons to those around me. If I keep comparing myself to others, I will never be good enough. However, God doesn't create junk. He loves me just the way I am, but He loves me too much to let me stay in this state. He will keep shaping me until I look like Him. 

The Difference Between Knowing and Feeling

There is a big difference between knowing and feeling. In fact, that is the whole reason that I started this blog in the first place. There is a gap between our head and our hearts; between knowing and feeling.
Often times, there are periods in our lives when we know things, but although they may be real in our heads, we struggle to feel these truths in our hearts.

There are times when life throws us a curveball, and the life that we thought we knew looks nothing like we see around us.
There are times when everything hits the fan, and it becomes difficult to see how God could be at work in the chaos.
There are times when life's circumstances become so overwhelming that we wonder if God will really get us to the other side of the storm.

These situations are when our knowledge comes into play; when the things that we know matter more than the things that we feel. Previously, I spoke about the valleys in our lives, and how, unfortunately, they are unavoidable. We will go through chaotic, stressful, or even painful times in our lives. During these periods its easy to want to run away from our problems. In these times it becomes easy to run away because the truth that we thought we knew doesn't feel so concrete anymore.

For these reasons, we learn that the most important part of a valley is the mountain peak that we just descended from. It is on the mountain tops that we learn about the providence, knowledge, and trustworthiness of God. We learn these things in hopes of engraining them in our minds.
It is similar to when we were younger and our teachers made us memorize the multiplication tables because they claimed that we would not always be able to use a calculator to get the answer. There would come times where we would be faced with a problem, and we had to rely on what we had learned from the past.

We learn these lessons so that when all hell breaks loose upon our lives and we don't feel the truth of these lessons in our hearts, we can rely upon the knowledge we have gained upon the mountain tops. In the valley, it is easy to not feel God's presence, but we are able to know that He is there in spite of the doubt. In the midst of hardship, it may be difficult to have the confidence to know that God will come through in the end, and even though our hearts may be filled with pain and doubt, we can rest in the knowledge that He will provide.

There is a gap between the head and the heart, and it is never more noticeable than in the valleys of our lives. During these times, we must focus on the lessons that we have learned on the mountain top, because we will very rarely feel these truths in our hearts.

Heroes

"Heroes aren't born in the final chapter, but rather they are shaped and molded by the tribulations of the plot."

This has been a phrase that has been running through my head for the past week or so. When we read books, the heroes always reach their peak of glory at the end of the story. They save the day, defeat their inner demons, and win the heart of a beautiful girl. However, they weren't always at this glorious point in their lives where they are admirable heroes. 

Bilbo started off weak, Katniss began terrified, and Edmund Pevensie began his tale as a selfish little boy. The heroes never start off the story in the same manner that they finish it. Their greatness has to be earned. These heroes weren't just magically transformed into the captivating characters that save the day, but rather they have to shaped and molded by the tribulations of the plot. Bilbo had to persevere through the goblin caves, Katniss had to survive the Hunger Games, and Edmund had to face the consequences of betraying his siblings. Each character had valleys in his or her life that they had to battle through. These valleys were a time of trial, but also times of great growth which left them stronger and more prepared for the events which laid ahead of them. 

Each of us must also face the inevitable moments when we must pass through these dark valleys. It is not a matter of whether the storms will come, but rather when. We will have our own metaphorical goblin caves or Hunger Games to battle through, but when we come face to face with these hard times we are also face a choice: we can either feel sorry for ourselves and wait for them to be over, or we can pick ourselves up, persevere, and grow. 

The trials of life will come. We don't choose pain, sorrow, or darkness; unfortunately they choose us. However, we can choose how we react to them. These valleys in our lives can simply be dark times in our lives, or they can be dark times that grow us. James speaks on this in chapter 1:2-4 when he says, "Count it all joy, my bothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.(ESV)"

Without rain, and storms, and clouds there can never be any growth. That being said, I am fully aware that it is one thing to talk about growing in the valleys, and considering trials to be pure joy and opportunities of growth, and it is completely different to try and apply this to our own personal periods of darkness. When approached correctly, these periods can be times where you grow stronger as a person and in your faith. In Romans 5:3-4 Paul says, "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. (ESV)"

One day, after you have emerged victoriously from the depths of your valley, you'll be able to look back at your own story. You'll be able to see how you persevered, and emerged stronger than ever before. Because, just like the heroes of the stories we read, we can't automatically emerge as heroes, but rather we are shaped and molded by the tribulations of our own story. 

Live Your Life

“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart...Respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”

~ Chief Tecumseh

Experiences.

Our lives are a myriad of experiences. We are consistently going through the highs and lows of this journey we call life. One of the things that has really been pressed on me lately has been how these experiences shape us. As humans, we tend to focus on the good or bad aspects of our lives, but I think that our lives are more than series of good or bad events. Instead, I think that our lives are more like a set of trials. Each trail we take gets us to the next one. Life is one giant journey. I am the person I am today because of the trails that I took in the past; either chosen or presented to me.

A Dream

Standing before me was a large crowd, and behind them stood two crosses standing erect against the skyline. From the crowd emerged Jesus, and as He approached me I asked him, "What's going on here?" He responded by telling me that He was about to die for me.
I didn't understand. Why? This I not how it should be. He shouldn't have to die for me. It is my sin, not His. I pleaded with Him to let me take my punishment; let me take the condemnation that I deserved.
At first, He didn't respond. He just wrapped His arms around me and squeezed tight. Then He whispered, "Bro, I've got this. I love you so much that I would rather be beaten and killed than have you spend eternity apart from me. I want you with me forever. I love you. This is my pleasure; my gift."
Then He gave me one last hug, turned, and walked back towards the crowd where my sin was placed on His shoulders.
He took the punishment that was mine so that I could find forgiveness. His death brings me life. For that, it is my responsibility and pleasure to live a life that brings Him glory; a life that shares His love.

It's Going To Be a Beautiful Day.

These are the words written on a card on my desk. They greet me each and every morning.
You see, something that I've really been learning is that perception changes a lot about the world around us. Our days have the ability to either be stunningly beautiful, or stiflingly awful. However, our emotional state isn't determined by what has happend to us. The quality of our day isn't determined by the highs and the lows that come at scattered moments throughout the day. The phrase, "It's going to be a beautiful day" has absolutely nothing to do with what happens between the time that I roll out of bed, and the time that I crawl back into it. On the contrary, the beauty of my day lies in my perception.
We will all have bad things happen to us, and we will all have incredible times as well. What makes a day beautiful is the way that I take what comes my way. I like to look at it this way:
Life is like a baseball game. We will have a thousand balls pitched at us on any given day. Some pitches will be nice and slow; right down the middle. Other pitches might be wild and curving, but you can't duck. You can't duck the scary pitches because if you duck, you just might miss something beautiful.
You see, even though some of life's "pitches" might be crazy and scary, there are still more pitches coming. Life's an adventure, and by letting the "bad pitches"decide if things are good or bad, you cripple yourself. Through Him we always have hope in a brighter tomorrow, and that He knows what He is doing. Although some of the pitches may suck, there are beautiful pitches coming that you can knock out of the park.
We can't let negative moments get in the way, because by looking at the hope we have in Him, everyday is a beautiful day. Everyday, we have hope because everyday we have Him.

Grace Through Bloodshed

We are the Blood Redeemed.
Those thrown in the fiery furnace of affliction,
Like silver awaiting its purification.
Burn off every imperfection.
And when we look upon our own reflections,
Staring back at us,
May we see the Man who took on all our sins,
And pardoned us from every depraved iniquity.
Oh, Savior, wash us clean.

The Ghost Inside

All of us have our own ghosts of our past that live inside of us as emotional scars. These are scars that we have collected over the years through life's tough lessons. The thing is, we all have these ghosts from our past that haunt the person that we are today. Nothing is going to change the past, or change the way that it has shaped us. These scars are a fact of life. However, the problem comes in when we let them dictate our very existence. When we push people away because we are scared of getting hurt, or when we don't allow others in because we are scared they might not like what they see in us, we are allowing the scars to dictate and limit us in the present.
Scars are inevitable. We will encounter pain in our lives; we can't control that. However, we can control how we deal with that pain. If we allow it to stick with us, it turns into fear, and that fear holds us back. That fear can hold us back from experiencing some incredible opportunities or from allowing some incredible people into our lives.
There comes a time when we have to set that fear loose. To realize that what is in front of us is worth the risk of pain; worth the risk of uncertainty. I don't want to miss out on something this great just because I am scared. I refuse to let fear get in the way.

Our Transgressions

"For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."(Isaiah 53:12)
This verse hit me hard today. Because of our downfalls...because of our sinful hearts, Christ had to come and be destroyed for our sake. He loves us so much that he entered the chaos of our sinful nature inorder to save us from our mess. You see, sin is living for yourself. In sin, we put what we want ahead of the glory and the plan of Almighty God. Christ didn't just save us from eternity in hell, but rather He saved us from ourselves. We hit the preverbal "self-destruct" button by choosing to walk away from Him, and yet He died for us. He didn't just die so that we could be forgiven of our sins, but rather He died to rescue us from them.

Control

I've often seen Christians with bumpers stickers that read, "God is my co-pilot", but I find something terribly wrong with this. You see, the role of a co-pilot is one that sits next to the actual pilot and is there to provide assistance whenever the pilot asks for it. He is an assistant. I thought to myself, since when has God become our assistant pilot? However, that is when I realized that I've been guilty of putting God as my co-pilot.

You see, I am the type of person that likes to have a plan for everything. When I start something new, or set off on an endeavor, I like to have a plan. How is this going to look? What is going to happen? I like to have a timeline. Knowing all of these things helps me to feel comfortable. By knowing what is going to happen, and when it is going to happen, I feel a sense of comfort. However, when I am not in control, and when I do not know when or how something is going to happen, I start to get uncomfortable. I get nervous. 

It's not that I don't trust God as my pilot; I know that He is going to get me where I need to be. I also know that He will get me to the best spot at the best time. He knows what He is doing, and His way is by far the best way of doing things. I just wish He could fill me in on what He is doing. 

Then again, this isn't how God works. He doesn't fill us in on every aspect of His plan, and He doesn't have to. It is our job to just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. 

The road ahead may look scary, and not knowing can be one of the most intimidating you will ever encounter, but our fear and our doubt do not limit the power and majesty of our Creator. One of the things that I have been learning lately is that I don't have to understand every aspect of God's plan in order for me to know that His plan is still good.